A diagnosis of multiple sclerosis (MS) can present profound
challenges to a relationship. After a companion's diagnosis,
a partner may experience his or her own grieving process and may
even feel guilty about his or her own good health.
Communication is a key component in dealing with the added
stress MS may create in a relationship. Openly discussing
their feelings and thoughts can help couples avoid frustration and
alleviate some of the strain they may be experiencing.
A person with MS will experience fatigue, from general tiredness
to extreme exhaustion. Fatigue may be triggered by physical
exertion and improve with rest, or it may take the form of a
constant and persistent tiredness. This has an effect on
day-to-day life.
Activities that once seemed simple—like grocery shopping,
vacuuming, or walking the dog—may now seem overwhelming. If
possible, hiring some temporary help may be the answer. If
not, reallocation of chores and using time wisely will help reduce
the stress and enable couples to work together.
Another difficulty a couple may encounter is a decrease in
commonly shared activities. As the severity of symptoms
increase, couples may have a hard time finding things they can do
together. Because of fatigue and muscle pain, more rigorous
activities, like bike riding or hiking, may be too difficult.
It is important to not stop shared activities though—try taking a
walk or reading a book together.
Attempting to continue normal activities as best as possible is important. Yet realizing and coming to terms with the changes MS brings will help both partners accept the situation. It is important to always keep in mind that MS need not be the focus of a relationship, but just one aspect of it.
Many couples will encounter sexual adjustment problems. Men may experience impotence, and women may have problems with vaginal lubrication. A doctor can help. If possible, the couple should talk to the doctor together, which will help both partners feel more comfortable. Many of the problems can be treated with medications or other remedies such ascorticosteroids, vaginal gels, and electrostimulation.
Prior to the onset of MS, couples saw each other in numerous
roles—friend, lover, confidant. An important step in keeping
a relationship strong is accepting how these roles may change with
the introduction of MS. A partner who was once independent
and outgoing may become reclusive and even depressed after a MS
diagnosis. Recognizing how this may affect a relationship,
determining the potential weaknesses it may cause, and developing
appropriate responses will help strengthen the
relationship.
Dealing with each situation as it arises will help the couple
from feeling too overwhelmed. Set reasonable goals and have
realistic expectations. Life with MS will be different, but
open communication can help. Both partners will need to be
patient, supportive, and understanding. In addition, support
groups and counseling may help MS patients and their families find
ways to cope with the changes MS may bring.
Last reviewed July 2007 by Ryan Estévez, MD, PhD, MPH
Please be aware that this information is provided to supplement the care provided by your physician. It is neither intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. CALL YOUR HEALTHCARE PROVIDER IMMEDIATELY IF YOU THINK YOU MAY HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider prior to starting any new treatment or with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.
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